A report claiming that Israeli soldiers do not rape Palestinian Arab women as part of a sinister racist Zionist plot (see Help! Rape!) has stirred the outrage of world media. Human rights organizations and Palestinian groups greeted the latest evidence of Zionist racism with justifiable rage. Major reactions:
The UN Human Rights Committee, on the initiative of Special Raporteur John Dugard, passed three resolutions condemning Israel for gross Human Rights violations. Commented Dugard, "There is no avoiding the facts. The study showed an appalling and brutal lack of rape on the part of the IDF. Those people are inhuman. When will the world wake up to the depths of Zionist depravity?"
Jewish activist Ben Murrain said, "I am ashamed to be a Jew. This is not the Judaism I know. I was taught to rape everyone."
Rabbi Michael Lerner, spiritual leader of Tikkun, lamented, "This is Judaism? Where is compassion for the other? Where is Tikkun Olam? Where is Ahavas Hazulat? Where is the Shukeenah? The insensitivity of Israeli soldiers to the charms of Palestinian Arab women shows how the occupation has dehumanized those Israelis and distanced them from the humanistic values of Judaism.
By a vote of 143 to 3 (USA, Israel, Micronesia) with 6 abstentions, the UN General Assembly passed a Saudi Arabian initaited resolution condemning Zionism as racism and appointed a committee to monitor the incidence of rape in the IDF and ensure that as many Palestinian Arab women are raped as Israeli Jews. Saudi spokesman Abdul Wahabi Salafi noted, "In our country, we know how to treat women. According to reports, not only does the IDF not rape women, but the Zionist dog judges don't order beatings for raped women either. We are also investigating reports that the racist Zionist regime doesn't allow wife beating. This is an abridgement of Muslim freedom of religion. We will submit a separate resolution about that human rights violation."
Jews against Zionism spokesman Mendel Parashivizhid, back from kissing Mamoud Ahmadinejad, commented, "Typical of those racist Zionists. Not like us true tora Jews - the Netureh Karteh. We'll rape anyone."
Queers for Palestine commented, "The Zionist racist report didn't even mention rape of men. Apparently, the evil IOF don't do that at all. It is despicable."
Palestinian Center for Human Rights (PCHR) demanded a special commission to investigate the heinous crime of non-rape of Palestinian women by the IOF (Israel Occupation Forces).
Amnesty International declared that failure to rape Palestinian women had caused an acute humanitarian crisis in Gaza.
Former Israeli president Moshe Katsav was quick to distance himself from the behavior of the IDF. "I had nothing to do with this disgraceful behavior. During my tenure in public service I was always an equal opportunity rapist," stated Katsav.
US Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice stated, "This dehumanizing behavior is exactly like the humiliation my people suffered for years under Jim Crow laws."
Activist Jeff Halper noted, "This is yet another illustration of Zionist apartheid in action."
The British union of steamfitters, hod carriers, journalists and sex deviants voted to boycott Israel for its racist policy of not raping Palestinian women. Noted one member, "It's outrageous. The Jew bastards said they respect Palestinian women as mothers."
A Belgian court convicted IDF Chief of Staff Gabi Ashkenazi in absentia, on a charge of high war crimes stemming from failure to order the rape of three Palestinian women in 2006. If Ashkenazi ever visits Belgium, he could be arrested and incarcerated for this crime.
In a press release, HRW head Kenneth Roth stated, "It is intolerable that Israeli soldiers continue to not rape Palestinian Arab women with impunity. More than any other army, the IDF is guilty of not raping or mistreating civilians. Israel continues to ignore all world norms of military conduct."
New Profile activist Dorothy Naor commented, "We call on all Israeli soldiers to refuse service until the occupation army starts raping Palestinian women. How can they ignore the human needs of Palestinian women? We demand the right to equal rape for Palestinian women."
In Ha'aretz newspaper, Akiva Eldar commented, "Once again it has been shown that while the government may want peace and friendly relations, the military is sabotaging government policy. While the government is promoting closer relations with Palestinians, the Army has been teaching its soldiers to stay away from them."
Machsom watch volunteers commented, "We have been complaining about this humiliating behavior at checkpoints for years. Time after time, luscious female Palestine suicide bombers flaunt their charms at IDF soldiers, but the callous IDF soldiers ignore them. There is no excuse. We will not remain silent. This is truly dehumanizing."
Christian Peace Teams Hebron condemned the IDF policy. A CPT spokesperson noted that non-rape of Palestinian women is typical of Jewish exclusivism. She further noted and denounced the existence of the pernicious Ethical Code of the IDF. "The only code anyone needs is the teachings of Jesus Christ. If IDF followed Jesus this wouldn't be happening. He said 'Love they neighbor as thyself.'"
In Al-Ahram, Khaled Amayreh condemned the failure of the Zionist occupation forces to succumb to the charms of Palestinian women. "The Jewish Talmud and the Chesronot Shas teach the evil Jews that goyim are subhuman," charged Amayreh. Amayreh's story got top billing in the Egyptian government supported paper. The US State Department asked congress to double the US aid subsidy to Egypt.
[Note - Except for the actual study and its conclusions, (see Help! Rape! ) duly approved by the Hebrew university, this report is a satire. No actual human rights activists were involved in creating this report except yours truly.]